hell is cool, but heaven serves beer
by ViTaL-4-SRvIIvAL
Summary: Okay, so Kenny always dies, right? Well how the hell does he keep coming back! this thing puts my own little theory in action, mixed in with a bit of Butters, because Kenny is so evil at heart, and Butters is too... well you know Butters


**If the silence takes you then I hope it takes me too...**

**I don't know where this came from. It was originally something else, then I changed the names and now it's a Butter/Kenny flick. Hope it turns out okay. You let me know...**

First thought: "What the hell is that stupid son of a bitch doing out here?"

Second thought: "Aw, Goddamnit, i'm gonna have to help this sorry schmo."

Third thought: "Oh, hey, look – It's Butters."

What he was doing just in front of a building of dorms, more specifically, on the little patch of grass just outside of it, I could only guess at. I adjusted my windbreaker and walked up to his curled up body, a very irritated crease already forming between my eyebrows. The tips of my fingers felt very agitated, which was always a bad sign, and I stuffed them in my pockets. Better get over it.

I nudged the sleeping boy with my toe.

"Mmmm," he went.

Aw, jeez. This kid was just about cute enough to squeeze to death.

"You really shouldn't be out here." I said, loud enough to be heard through the haze of his sleep-logged thoughts. He scrunched up his face, and squinted up at me. Adorable.

His glasses were lying in the grass right next to my shoe. I scooped them up and slid them into my back pocket. As a punishment. Just for a while, at least. I just had to remember not to sit on them.

"Kenny? Is that you? Where are my glasses?" he asked, rolling onto all fours, parting the grass with his clumsy, band-aide covered fingers. As if they'd sunk into the earth. He felt all around and I stood back, quietly letting him search, but not volunteering my help.

Still, I had to say, "They're not there."

"Oh."

So forlorn. Sigh. I'm evil.

Have to fight temptation, however, and persevere. This is my good deed for the night. Good deeds are my salvation, if Adam Sandler can be trusted. One good deed every morning, noon, and night keeps the devil away. Or so the saying goes.

"Why are you sleeping out here anyway? It's cold. And it's been drizzling on and off all day. I hope this isn't some macho endurance test thing. You know: man against the elements. Because I have to say, now, before this goes any farther – you're going to die."

"O-ho-ho! N-n-no! Not at all. I just got locked out of my building, that's all." he indicated with a wave of his hand, to his dorm room building. "I can't find my keys. Gosh! And now I've lost my glasses. This is not a good day for me."

I sighed. Sadly, he wasn't pointing anywhere remotely near his dorm building.

"No one's opening up?"

"Uh-uh. Nope. I don't think they can hear me."

They couldn't hear him. Sure.

Poor Butters.

"Tch! C'mere." I took hold of his hood and yanked him forward, then, because it felt sort of too S&M for a Monday night, I took hold of his sleeve and pulled him on. He stumbled after me.

"Don't trip," I warned.

"W-Where are we going?"

"My room. It's a single, but it serves it's purposes. You can sleep with me for the night. I can't leave you out here. If you die, I might be counted responsible. In more ways than one."

"Oh, Uh... are you sure?"

"Sure I'm sure," I said, boredom and just a little impatience creeping into my voice. Bad Kenny, bad. Have to keep this pure of heart and honorable and all that shit.

"Oh, well... th-thanks Kenny."

"You slow Butters?"

"W-what?"

There was something wrong with that stutter. I just knew it. I glanced at his face. Not flushed. He'd better not have a fucking cold. I wasn't a goddamn nurse.

"Stop dragging ass Butters." Another suggestive tug to his sleeve, then I let go, let him keep up with me on his own.

"'Kay."

My building was just a little ways away, and we got there just when the flickering light above my door gave out for the night. I thrust my key into the rusty lock and jiggled it around until it finally turned. I had to throw my whole body against the door to get it open, but that's where the charm in this little apartment came from. She played hard to get, but was real cozy once you settled in.

**anyway, that's all i've got for now. See ya'll later w/ the next installment. **


End file.
